randomness in my head

Over the past 12 hours or so...I have started to feel differently. Something just feels slightly off, and I'm not sure what it is.

I know I've got a lot on my mind.

I'm trying to work with couple of changes that have happened. Sure, I've been with my boyfriend for a while. But I feel like I miss my friends. I can't say that I choose him over my friends. I've just....lost contact with some of my friends.

And I'm not sure how to get it back. I worry that its possible to think that maybe some things are just lost. I don't know what to say. I kind of miss people, but at the same time I think that so many things have changed all at once.

I know I read into things too much and over-analyze things. I'm just not sure how to stop it. I want to, though, since it tends to cause me more trouble than not.

I have gone through my closet on a couple occasions, to realize that some of my clothes I've outgrown whether by size or style. I am realizing I need to update and change it to reflect my style. Somehow I feel slightly lost in this...and not sure where to start. I want to reflect the person that I am, in combination with how I wish I could dress...if that makes any sense.

I suppose I've always loved clothes and fashion, but feel a little lost when it comes to making myself look "amazing." I admire what some people can pull off, and am not sure if I can do so myself. I also am trying to think about what my possible style choices project about me...and if that is true or false.

Am I reading to much into fashion, also? It's highly possible.

I have a new sense of loneliness, for lack of better word. Its almost as though I feel something is missing, but I can't put my finger on it. I suppose thats because lately I feel a little meaningless when it comes to something I've been involved with for a while. Now that I'm not working on that, I need something to take its place. I recognize and understand that I need 'me time,' and I think I make time for that. I also need to find something else that I can use to gain further self-balance.

On a good note, I did join a gym recently. I think that should help. I might seek out church in the morning...or some kind of worship service. Even if its just to feel like my whole being is awake. I consider myself some what of a religious person, but I constantly ask questions. I wouldn't feel as though I could be me with ANYTHING, let alone religion, if I couldn't ask questions.

I think that might be all for now. Time to do some cleaning.

xoxo