Music

Its not a huge secret to many that know me. Music is a very big deal to me. I often look toward it in comfort. I also tend to do a lot of musical association. I associate people and places, even major events with music in my life.

I am coming into a fun situation with my boyfriend. He has led a sheltered music life, or so I would call it. He's only familiar with certain types of music and artists.

I am familiar with more of a kit-and-caboodle collection. I spent more time watching vh1 (when it was still good) when I was younger than watching cartoons. I would definitely defeat anyone who would challenge me to a music knowledge battle.

I think music tells a lot about people. The kind of music one likes and regularly listens to can (and definitely is, in my case) a window to the soul.

I suppose I will end the chatter, and do the seemingly obvious next step. Posting some song lyrics that are near and dear to me right now.

I suppose I can just list some songs. Lyrics can be found easily.

"Halo" by Beyonce just sticks in my head. I feel like I've finally found my angel, and this is exactly what this song tells. I have met the person who is exactly what I need. He has the amount of patience and sweetness to deal with all of my relationship issues. All the while, just his presence has brought down barriers I had built up strong. At the end of the day, he's my angel and I'm his angel.

"Uprising" by the Muse tends to get stuck in my head. I like the catchy beat and guitar. Plus, I like the lyrical content. A two for one! I am very for the main battle cry of the song--standing up and taking what is rightfully yours. I like the message of standing up for yourself, and has been something I've spent time struggling with.

I am working to acquire a lot of new music, so I will leave it to those songs for now.

I am getting closer and closer to my license/car!!! :) :) :)

Another year stronger

I can now say that I am 24 years old, as of Sunday.

For the first time in a while, I feel older. I feel that I have fully began to come into my own. I use 'began' because I feel that I can still learn. Life is a journey, not a destination. I don't feel as though I've come close to learning a life's worth of lessons yet.

No longer do I seek out constant partying, as I did a few years ago. I am not even confident I can even come close to calling myself that at any point. However, I defintely sought that out more.

I've become more of a homebody.

I feel as though I let more things role off my back. That doesn't mean that I don't get bothered by some things. However, I am more apt to ask myself, "Can I change it?" before growing too upset. Some things, (like my current driving situation, although for just a little bit longer) I cannot change. Finding peace in the difference is what matters.

In that spirit, I also want to apologize to anyone that was kind enough to listen to my complaints about my driving situation. I recently saw how annnoying (for lack of better word) that can be, and I am grateful and heartfully sorry. I don't think I was able to just accept it.

I've learned things can always be worse. That as bad as I want to think I have it, I can't let myself feel badly. My struggles (not to deny the strength they've given me) can be called nothing in comparison to what others have had to deal with. It's much easier to just be content as I am, instead of the appearance of not being happy with what I've got.

I've learned to be comfortable in my own skin. For a very long time, I was incredibly self-conscious. I constantly worried about others thoughts. I wanted to make sure I measured up...to their standards. I've learned to create my own standards. And, if I do say so myself, they're not too shabby. I've got to put my best foot forward everyday, thank God for everything, and love every moment of life. Everything else is just icing on the cake.

I think moving to Champaign helped this a lot. I had a lot of pre-conceived notions about what people in Charleston thought about me (whether true or not). Upon moving, I just became a butterfly again. I don't know how to explain it, but I felt whole again. My insecurities seemed to disappear one by one. I can truly proclaim that I am completely and utterly happy with who I am at this moment. I suppose without the battle of various insecurity, I wouldn't know what that feels like.

I suppose I cannot say all these things without mentioning the love for one another. I've met everything I could ever ask for in a guy. And no, this time no strings attached or false notions. He's 100 percent the real deal. He's brought out the nurturing side in me that was laying dormat without him. He also took away my last insecurity--that I wasn't quite good enough somehow for guys. Or that they were only after one thing. I can't describe how grateful I am for him. He's become my best friend. I don't know what I would do without him.

To many more years to come, life is amazing. I believe I'm just getting started.

Farewell to my friend

I am an animal lover. Many people know that about me. I grew up around animals, and had a rabbit named Kiss that was my baby. I think I probably called her "Baby" more than her actual name.

She would sit on my lap while I watched t.v. I fed her every morning and let her romp around the apartment as often as I could.

I made sure she got plenty of attention when I could. I grew to recognize every face given to me. Even though she didn't bark, she still had a distinct, sweet personality that her face exuded.

I knew when she was scared by a noise or smell. I also knew when she did not want me to leave her just yet.

As odd as it sounds for a bunny, I cried while petting her. I vented to her about some of my biggest boy troubles of yesterday.

Recently, giving her attention has become more difficult. Due to certain circumstances, I have not been at the place which my name is on the lease very much.

Because of my work schedule and the bus schedule, I wasn't seeing her as often as I wanted to.

I know that she is a social creature. Even if she is not being given direct attention, knowing that someone is in the same room can be enough. Those moments were harder to come by.

I began to struggle with thoughts in my mind. I truly loved her and her company. With that love, I didn't feel right for the situation I was putting her in.

I was starting to stay with my boyfriend more and more. Essentially, I unofficially live with him at the moment.

Unfortunately, his place is not very pet friendly.

It was the combination of everything that led me to giving her up to a co-worker. I knew that someone would be able to take better care of her than I could at the moment. I didn't want my dear Kiss to suffer in possible and probable loneliness anymore.

I will miss her face and her gentle personality. I will also miss the bond I feel we had.

At the same time, I know she is with someone better suited to take care of her at this time.

Perhaps I can convince my boyfriend to get a different animal in the future.